Brat Jr
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« Reply #30 on: June 20, 2009, 10:33:30 PM » |
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http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.aspBirthday Calculator. All the facts you ever wanted to know about the day you were born
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
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« Reply #31 on: July 10, 2009, 11:03:05 AM » |
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this is really cute and true  AMNESIA-- condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. DUMBWAITER-- one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert FAMILY PLANNING-- the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster FEEDBACK-- the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots FULL NAME-- what you call your child when you're mad at him ( Guilty as charged ) GRANDPARENTS-- the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right HEARSAY-- what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word IMPREGNABLE-- a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid INDEPENDENT- - how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say OW-- the first word spoken by children with older siblings PRENATAL-- when your life was still somewhat your own PUDDLE-- a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it SHOW OFF-- a child who is more talented than yours STERILIZE-- what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it TOP BUNK-- where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas TWO-MINUTE WARNING-- when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises VERBAL-- able to whine in words WHODUNIT-- none of the kids that live in your house This goes along with NOT ME |
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kennard04
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« Reply #32 on: July 12, 2009, 10:00:05 AM » |
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« Last Edit: July 13, 2009, 10:45:07 AM by kennard04 »
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Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.
The older I get, the faster I was
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
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GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #33 on: September 26, 2009, 10:48:46 AM » |
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A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD: (scroll down) .............. ................... ......................... ............................. ............................. .............................. ................................. ............................ ................................. .............................. >>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>> >>> > Shit ... I forgot what it was....  |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2010, 09:16:07 PM » |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #35 on: January 20, 2010, 09:16:29 PM » |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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EWSoccer64
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« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2010, 03:39:01 AM » |
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That was great. From the Ukraine, of all places. |
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #37 on: January 26, 2010, 08:10:11 PM » |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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93soccerdad
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« Reply #39 on: May 14, 2010, 11:40:41 AM » |
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Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard!
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pele
WPS Poster
Karma: +16/-0
Posts: 92
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« Reply #40 on: May 14, 2010, 07:50:01 PM » |
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MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,
“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from
a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug”.
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
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breakaway
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +669/-485
Posts: 3402
If this was your brother, you'd talk smack too! ;)
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« Reply #41 on: May 21, 2010, 10:24:14 AM » |
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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<<----------The FAMOUS thread killer  Disclaimer: The above post contains no underlying or hidden messages. |
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #42 on: June 10, 2010, 11:48:07 AM » |
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 Hi! How's it going? Just wanted to say Hello!! Not much going on here. So how are you? Actually, I don't have anything to say. But I had to do it!! I just wanted to BUG you for a minute. After all, isn't that what friends are for?! Thanks for being a friend! Now go BUG the rest of your friends! Good bye!!
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meluvsoccer
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« Reply #43 on: June 16, 2010, 06:22:57 PM » |
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Hi! How's it going? Just wanted to say Hello!! Not much going on here. So how are you? Actually, I don't have anything to say. But I had to do it!! I just wanted to BUG you for a minute. After all, isn't that what friends are for?! Thanks for being a friend! Now go BUG the rest of your friends! Good bye!! Ahhhhhhhh Quit buggin me!!!!!!! Oh wait It's just a nice friendly bug from a BRAT!!!!! |
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Playing Hard & Having Fun
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #44 on: June 16, 2010, 07:49:47 PM » |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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pele
WPS Poster
Karma: +16/-0
Posts: 92
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« Reply #45 on: June 18, 2010, 12:22:18 AM » |
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Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack . I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV...
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #46 on: June 18, 2010, 09:34:24 AM » |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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sissy
WPS-Legend
Karma: +2677/-255
Posts: 2275
As you wish
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« Reply #47 on: June 18, 2010, 10:23:20 AM » |
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Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack . I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV...
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
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And when a woman's will is as strong as the man's who wants to govern her, half her strength must be concealment.
George Eliot~
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Left Foot
WPS-Legend
Karma: +1123/-532
Posts: 2451
go crazy with the cheese whiz
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« Reply #48 on: June 18, 2010, 11:30:08 AM » |
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Too funny! And sadly apropos .... |
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Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
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CoronaBob
WPS Select Poster
Karma: +39/-21
Posts: 114
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« Reply #49 on: June 18, 2010, 12:16:42 PM » |
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WHEN TO START CUSSING!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
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sissy
WPS-Legend
Karma: +2677/-255
Posts: 2275
As you wish
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« Reply #50 on: June 18, 2010, 12:30:16 PM » |
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WHEN TO START CUSSING!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
Ha-Ha!!! These are making up for my bad picks in the fantasy league...PLUS it's way nicer in the Pub Sandbox Keep 'em coming  |
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And when a woman's will is as strong as the man's who wants to govern her, half her strength must be concealment.
George Eliot~
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #51 on: June 23, 2010, 01:14:41 AM » |
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Heres one to keep your mind off of your fantasy picks Sissy! A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said........ "You got Male!"  |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #52 on: July 02, 2010, 01:49:06 PM » |
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On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
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sissy
WPS-Legend
Karma: +2677/-255
Posts: 2275
As you wish
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« Reply #53 on: July 03, 2010, 01:17:53 PM » |
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I am totally in slave mode right now  |
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And when a woman's will is as strong as the man's who wants to govern her, half her strength must be concealment.
George Eliot~
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TheWarpedDog
WPS Premier Poster
Karma: +1928/-59
Posts: 964
Remember, it's *only* soccer.....for the kids
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« Reply #54 on: July 06, 2010, 02:51:46 PM » |
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I am totally in slave mode right now Hmm...conjures up a interesting thought...is there a whip involved? |
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sissy
WPS-Legend
Karma: +2677/-255
Posts: 2275
As you wish
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« Reply #55 on: July 07, 2010, 12:29:49 AM » |
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I am totally in slave mode right now Hmm...conjures up a interesting thought...is there a whip involved? Careful WD...I know where to find you this weekend |
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And when a woman's will is as strong as the man's who wants to govern her, half her strength must be concealment.
George Eliot~
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EWSoccer64
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« Reply #56 on: July 07, 2010, 02:54:41 AM » |
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I am totally in slave mode right now |
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #57 on: November 20, 2010, 06:28:21 PM » |
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I was in my back yard trying to fly a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds,
then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more
times with no success.
All the while, Karen, the wife, is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #58 on: November 23, 2010, 10:03:33 PM » |
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As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person: QUOTE FROM HAROLD: “I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.” Harold should be an inspiration to us all. |
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Soccer balls run through my blood
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Brat Jr
No Batman.....this is the BratMobile
WPS-Hall of Fame Poster
Karma: +3930/-164
Posts: 16952
GO MRFC COSMOS!
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« Reply #59 on: April 06, 2011, 05:18:24 PM » |
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Year Of Indulgence!
There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose.
The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year.
The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year.
The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke.
Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say screw him, he's in there for a year.
A year later they let them out.
They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex.
The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk.
The third guy came out crying.
They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying.
He said, " I forgot my lighter!"
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